Thankfully my parents don’t read my blog ^^. This will be another serious blog post about how many times I felt suicidal because of my actions. Sure I have a smile on my face all the time and help others but honestly my life is hard.
Everyday I battle with thinking sinful thoughts about my crush’s or other people which makes me want to disappear. I hate hurting God all the time by doing this but its hard to control. These thoughts started when I see or think about my future lover or ALL my crush’s in general. I think about our honeymoon and more which hurts me because I know this is not gods plan at all.
I love god forever and most days its hard to trust him when it comes with finding the one. I like to help others a lot because that makes me happy and they deserve it. Everyday I pray and try to read the bible. Some days I don’t think about it but it mostly happens when I’m extremely happy and at night.
I hate thinking about these lies because I know it wont happen so why get my hopes up and think about it.
My best friend who I loved forever isn’t even part of God’s plan which hurts a lot because we have great chemistry. I’m learning to stop thinking this way and just be pure again.
It will be hard but I trust God forever!