Truth 11: My Experiance With Deep Depression Causing Myself To Ask God To Take My Life!

Thankfully my parents don’t read my blog ^^. This will be another serious blog post about how many times I felt suicidal because of my actions. Sure I have a smile on my face all the time and help others but honestly my life is hard.

Everyday I battle with thinking sinful thoughts about my crush’s or other people which makes me want to disappear. I hate hurting God all the time by doing this but its hard to control. These thoughts started when I see or think about my future lover or ALL my crush’s in general. I think about our honeymoon and more which hurts me because I know this is not gods plan at all.

I love god forever and most days its hard to trust him when it comes with finding the one. I like to help others a lot because that makes me happy and they deserve it. Everyday I pray and try to read the bible. Some days I don’t think about it but it mostly happens when I’m extremely happy and at night.

I hate thinking about these lies because I know it wont happen so why get my hopes up and think about it.

My best friend who I loved forever isn’t even part of God’s plan which hurts a lot because we have great chemistry. I’m learning to stop thinking this way and just be pure again.

It will be hard but I trust God forever!



4 thoughts on “Truth 11: My Experiance With Deep Depression Causing Myself To Ask God To Take My Life!

  1. You can’t limit your life based off relationship status. What’s meant for you will be for you and God will send you the right person when he feels as though you and the person you are suppose to be with are ready. Although you may feel as though you are ready, the other person must be ready too. One thing I have also learned is never compare relationships; past relationships, other relationships, and relationships that you want to happen. Take this time for yourself to improve on you and enjoy life for every second. Things will fall in their place and the journey you took will definitely be one to remember.

  2. God has a plan for EVERYONE! Not just the people in the church. It sucks sometimes that it’s not with you but Gods plan is SO much greater than ours. He even says “your thoughts are not my thoughts” for a reason. He has an even more extravagant and PERFECT plan for you. It took me dating over 20 guys, being sexually active, sexually assaulted, and suicidal to get God to be like HELLO! I am your savior. Once you focus your eyes on Him and not on boys, I promise you He will bless you with your husband. You don’t want to crush your husbands heart by meeting him and having all this baggage of other guys on your past. Trust me, I did. I’m engaged now to the love of my life but he’s never even kissed a girl before me. I wasn’t a Christian before I met him and and I made so many mistakes that will make our marriage a lot harder because the enemy will use that to try and devise us. Patients is SO hard. But remember your husband was perfectly made for you. God knows when you need him. I know you don’t have the same past as me. But don’t let the enemy feed lies into your head about what could have been. That’s a very dangerous path to be on. You have Gods Percy plan ahead of you, you just have to pray and step out of the way so God can do His work. You are Gods perfect creation. He created your husband millions of years ago and is waiting for both of you to be ready to receive each other. I’ve struggled with depression too. But always turn to the bible and prayer. It clearly says never to look into the past or future and pray for thankfulness of your blessing and pray for your husband wherever he may be. Ill keep you in my prayers, have a blessed day!

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